Real Talk: When Friendships Get Tough

It's hump day, y'all! That means that tomorrow is Thursday, Light Up Night is the day after and Thanksgiving shortly follows. Exciting things to come! Today's blog post is another in my 'Real Talk' series. I've noticed a huge amount of personal growth since I've graduated. I've been tested and tested again and I've learned so much about the world and my resilience and perseverance. I've talked a little about this in previous Real Talk posts (catch up here and here), and today I am once again getting personal. As much as I love writing #ootd posts, monthly goals and other light, fun posts like that, there's something impacting about my more personal posts. While I'm able to talk through my own problems and my growth in the world, I also have a feeling (or at least a hope) I am helping someone. I have a hope that by opening up here, I make an impact on someone else's life-- I help them see things a little differently, I give them a little bit of confidence. Whatever might be the result, Real Talk posts continue to push what I'm willing to share and help me put to words my worldview and experiences.






Lately, I've realized how much of a coward I've been in my friendships. There, I've said it & I'll be the first to admit it. I've always been terrified to address a friend who has done something wrong or an action they've taken that I've found offense in. Every friendship has their ups and downs-- we wouldn't be human if it didn't happen. For me though, ever since I can remember I've always worried that standing up for myself or addressing an issue would ruin the friendship, so I've ignored it. I've pushed the issue down, thought of anything else to distract me. And I always had the naive thought that this was for the best--that I was helping the relationship. I refused to 'call people out' because I didn't want them to be mad at me. Honestly, this is really how I've functioned in most aspects of my life.



What I've learned since graduating is that addressing these issues or standing up for yourself is a good thing and can actually help strengthen a friendship or relationship in the long run. You can't live your life in fear of confronting people--especially when the friendship or relationship means a lot to you. Now, this isn't to say you should fly off the handle every time a problem comes up. While I am the first to admit I get emotional when I am upset, I've found I can discuss issues best when I'm not foaming at the mouth. (People tend to take you more serious when you use this approach :P ) But even more so, when you do fly off the handle, even if your claim is valid, you may end up doing more damage. (( Cue, my worst fear. ))



Looking back on the times I've stood up for myself or brought up an issue, sure the relationship was strained for a bit. That will happen. But what I've found is that after the smoke clears, the mutual respect has been strengthened and there's an understanding that if something else comes up you'll both be open with each other and able to get through it. It's honestly a work in progress for me and I definitely catch myself falling back into old habits, but I've been trying to make an honest effort. Because, look, if Serena and Blair went through 6 seasons of fight after fight and still came out as the ruling queens they are, your relationship can, too!









Life may throw hella curve balls at you and there may be times when friendships are tested, but you should never be afraid to stand up for what you believe in or stand up for the friendships and relationships that mean the most to you. Does this resonate with you? Do you feel your relationships are stronger after discussing issues or am I just going crazy?!? :P I'd love to hear your stories in the comments below. 


xoxo,


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20 comments:

  1. I think this can be so challenging, but you're right if you get through it your relationship will be stronger.

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  2. Yes to all. It's called Communication and is needed in a marriage as well!

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  3. Yes I totally agree! If you can work through a relationship, it will only become stronger and better. Love your top btw

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  4. This is a great thing for everyone to do! I definitely could stand up for myself more! Good to hear to remind ourselves from time to time.
    www.asventure57.com

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  5. Cute outfit! I love those booties!

    xo, Amanda | www.thegoldengirldiary.com

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  6. I went through a phase where I slowly cut out all the people in my life that I didn't feel like brought a positive quality. It was really hard, but it ended up being the best thing I ever did because now I am left with friends that are straight forward when there is a conflict. We all communicate, and respect each other! Its amazing!

    -Mackenzie
    www.kenzywho.com

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  7. I think in all relationships, standing up for ourselves is so important. This is a great reminder. At any age and no matter how old or new the friendship is. If it does not stand through you talking it out, it probably is not meant to last. Thanks for the reminder!

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  8. There is an awesome book called "Fierce Conversations" I think you would love it based on your comments above!

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  9. Loved this post, Rachel. I can definitely relate this this post, but I feel like everyone has these problems with their friends, especially if they don't like to stand up and address it. I am exactly how you are with addressing friends in these types of situations. P.S. LOVED the Serena and Blair reference because it couldn't be more fitting to your post. Lovely post as always, girl!

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  10. Confronting things in friendships/relationships is a must! It's so hard to do, and I have been known to take a lot of time before working up the courage, but it is still so worth it when you handle confrontation the right way: with love and respect. I am happy for you for learning/working on this <3

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  11. This makes me think of a book I just finished reading called Boundaries. There is a balance to it but boundaries doesn't make you a bad person and can HELP you friendships!

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  12. I definitely think that if it's a friendship you want to have in your life, it will definitely benefit from discussing issues. I'm the same way though, I have a hard time bringing things up because I'm afraid of making things worse. But eventually when I have talked to my closest friends about something, they've always been very open and receptive to it. Great things to think about!

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  13. Really great post that I can totally relate too! It's scary but whenever I have real and hard conversations with my friends it does bring us closer together!

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  14. Amazingpost, and really close to me, there is so many stuff to learn reading your experience xo


    https://theninebyivana.blogspot.com/

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  15. Frienships after college can be really tricky to navigate at times - everyone is off on their own adventure trying to figure out what their next big move is! I've learned that it is important to stick up for yourself and to cut out the people who may be dragging you down. I had a friend in college who I did a lot of stuff with but after college, she kind of changed and it was negatively affecting me as a person! So I just moved forward with my own life and things have been great ever since!

    xo,

    Chelsie @ Hey There, Chelsie

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  16. Friendships post-college are a very interesting thing. I think standing up for things is important but it's also important to know when it's time to cut ties and just go your separate ways. Life's too short to be around people that don't make you happy!

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  17. I find that as I've gotten older and with many life changes-getting married, having babies-friendships change and I change, so I am more likely to stand up for myself in my relationships but I am also more likely to end relationships if they are not adding to my life.

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  18. Girllllll - I am loving this series first off! I had a real talk series too when I started my blog! I will probably bring it back in the new year too :-). Secondly, this post is so spot on and important, friendships seriously do get tough, you both are changing and growing and it's unrealistic to expect the communication and respect to always be there like it once was. I am typically "that friend" who is a little too frank and telling it how it is when you step on my toes... but over the years I've learned how to deliver that in a way with love so I don't totally scorch the friendship. Lastly, I am super proud of you, it's so important to speak up for yourself and teach people how you want to be treated. Its definitely uncomfortable, but will seriously benefit you so much in the long run! <3

    Rachel | The Confused Millennial

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  19. Friendships aren't supposed to be tricky. I have groups where I have to think before speaking and in such groups I don't enjoy myself. But, with my best friends, I can say anything upfront. Because if I don't say what's bothering me, then it comes by way of sarcasm and taunts which isn't the right way. So, speaking about it is truly the right thing to do if you are close friends. :)

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  20. Her captured expressions are very attractive . Weldone for shared .

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